i welcome 2007 w/ high level of stress

i was writing about my reflection of 2006 but i change my mind. I'm chatting w/ my cuzin, i told her about eh CO issue (hubby applying and passing the test). I'm really sad. Its new year and i'm suppose to start this year in a happy mode that way throughout the year i'd be happy but i'm not. I'm actually scared of this year for some reason. I don't know whether or not this will turn out pretty good or it will be the worst year of my life.

A realisation hit me today as we drove back home from LA (we dropped off my mom). I need to find a job and i need to have on before the month of january ends. I'm scared to make use of what i've learned because i honestly forgot most of it. I'm dumb. honestly. But i need to learn how to be independent.

I love my hubby too much, now i'm wondering, i can ever love him a lil less and put that love on myself??? i don't know where to start actually. Since the CO thingy had happen, i have hurt. I tend to keep quiet coz there's not point of arguing things. I try to convince myself that it's okay but deep down my heart, i still cant make him work over there.

If i love him less that means i wont worry as much. But that's not how its suppose to be, it wouldn't be right if i do that. But my head had been pumping too much w/ this issue. Maybe if the evaluation thingy didnt get canceled, i have a good chance on working as a junior engineer this year. That would mean i get paid well, that would mean hubby wouldn't think of looking for a job that pays 4x bigger than what he gets and ditch the nursing school.

i know everything happens for a reason but i wish 2007 would bring me luck. I'm tired of stressing. i understand though that hubby is doing this for me but living away from each other on most days of the week are for my benefit??? how so? i'm tired....