problems

sometimes when you have a problem, its better to just keep to yourself than saying it out loud to people that way no one expect more of you. Though most of the time it makes you feel better when you get to share it to friends...

I don't know myself anymore, i'm lost. :(

feeling ugly... just thinking

I've been looking at my old pictures and i cant believe i look like that then. Now i look so plain. I don't even have the urge to fix myself. I brush my hair, put a clip and then tie it in the back... I was never maarte in my life, but since giving birth. I don't even think of myself anymore.

The moment i wake up, i'd be wearing pj's by the end of the day, i'm still wearing pj's.... I'm thinking of going out more but w/ a baby to tag along all the time (well i cant leave her alone at the house)and the gas prices up (good thing its under 2.50 now) i feel that staying at home is better than goin to places...

I miss my old self. I got so much compliment when i went home 2 and half years ago. I never felt so good when i finally felt that i'm being appreciated.... Not that looks matters but hey it does boost out your confidence right?!

I look at my closet, i have tons of clothes but those doesnt even fit me anymore. Those are my pre-baby clothes and though they all look new to me, still even if i try it wont fit me no more... So I'd wait till i'd pop out this second one and hopefully go back to my pre-baby body...

I need new pants and jeans but i'm the kind of person who's practical. I dont want to buy any because i know i wont wear it afterwards but my jeans are basically tight on me and the one and only maternity jeans i have kinda looks funny to me now... And to think this would be my last pregnancy, yes I'm going to get ligation afterward since I don't think my body can handle more than 2 pregnancy or let alone watch 2 babies grows up...

Anyways, the bottom line, i'm feeling ugly. I look haggard. I need rest, i want to eat a lot of food that i cant find here and the whole point to this is that I wanna go home to Gensan even for a month but I cant.

Not just fare wise but other people's experience can make people be negative on things so as long as i'm pregnant. And since i havent done my oath taking yet so no new passport, I cant go home... Next year is just a year away but heck its too long, i'm afraid i'd look 10 years older by then... No i'm not vain but i'm just stating facts here... So hopefully i'll find peace with myself and start caring about how i look like.... Maybe that will happen on of these days...

Elections Over, Thank God!

no more bickering from each parties!

So now that Obama won [Congrats Sen. Obama & Sen. Biden], we'll see where he leads this country... Will he able to save us from this recession or are we going there?! Lets hope and pray he'll do great, besides the guy deserve this.... He has a lot to prove a lot so where do this CHANGE leads us?!

Congrats to Sen. McCain, that speech was great!!!! that's how all losers should be, and whats up w/ the crowd in Phoenix?!

i'm no expert on politics, besides I hate it but this election was historical. First African-American President eh?! tsk tsk lets just hope it wont create chaos, besides there are still racist in this country...

stressful Life

i am 27 and i should not be getting stress but I am so stress that i might blow into pieces. I swear i hate drama but people seems to love drama but heck I HATE it... and i just cant break down because i have a lil gril w/ me... Damn this life.