RIP Lolo Vic

my lolo just passed away, around 8:10am today february 22, 2006 in manila. I don't understand how i feel, i'm sad, i'm numb, i'm speechless and i don't know how to react. I guess crying helps to let out how you feel right?!Rest in peace Victoriano De Gracia... I love you lolo....

my lolo...

at the moment my grandfather is in manila doctors ICU. His heart is giving up on him and there's nothing we can do. He's 79 years old, turning 80 this coming june, i guess he'll never reach that age unless miracle happens.

10 years ago he had a heart surgery. He had triple bypass (if i'm not mistaken). He survived and lived like a happy ol' man. He was happy but he's hardheaded...He loves sweet, so he end up being diabetic. So from that his health started to deteriorate. His vision aint clear, he had hearing problems and had numerous trips to the ICU since then.

Even with that situation, we know he was happy. His kids all finish college and most of them are successful. I cant really say much about it coz i wasn't really close to them. Why!? well, my mom's family live in manila while we live in general santos. I see them every other year for just 3 weeks the most but it doesn't mean i dont love them, i'm just not as close to them as my grandma in my father side. Ofcourse, it sadden me to hear the news that he's deteriorating now (meaning dying) and well, i cried last night while praying.

I don't want him to die but i also don't want him to suffer. My uncle (a doctor in manila) was told that my lolo had a renal failure. He needs to have dialysis and what he need the most if another bypass and it doesnt mean he'll survive the surgery. Chances are he wont. As for the dialysis. My uncle said its better not to have him that. Its painful, he's suffering now more than ever and they don't want him to suffer more. I guess you could say anytime now he could die.

I want him to wait 2 more years. If only i could pause whats going on over there and fast forward what happening here and things would be better. My whole family could come and see him as he say goodbye to this world but i can't I'm not god. I'm just his oldest girl apo.

i know my mom is in a difficult position at the moment. I'm glad that my dad is here to cheer her up though sometimes i see she's getting irritated but its better to have someone to lean on than absorb everything for yourself. My mom wont go home, they decided that they need the money more now than her goin there since she cant do anything. its sad but we have to face the facts.

I asked myself is it worth to live here in the US when you're so far away from your family and you cant do anything when something happens over there. My answer is, it may not be worth it but by living here, we work, we earn and we get to help people out when they are in need. Sometimes i wish i have so much money at moments like this but i tell myself i'm still lucky coz i get to eat 3x or more in a day and i have a good roof above my head...

Well, anytime my grandfather die. I want him to know this. I love him so much. He raised the best mother i could ever asked for. I thank him for being such a great lolo to me. He's the only lolo i've ever known and i'm so thankful that in my lifetime i get to meet him. I love you lolo vic.... may you not suffer anymore...

please help me pray for him....thanks