happy new year everyone!

still have a day to go and its new year in this side of the world. I wonder how 2007 will turn out, i hope no more violence, pls. Let there be peaceeeeeee..... well, 2006 had been great but i wish 2007 will bring me luck in getting the job of my dreams... There's so much to be thankful for although i didnt make any new year resolution, it doesn't usually happen... so what's the point right? anyways, Happy new year to all.... Have a good one!

happy birthday to karen marielle zhou and her twin bro Kevin Ryu Zhou!

he took the test.. and i'm not happy

yes hubby took the CO test, he passed the 1st one and doing the 2nd one at the moment. I should be happy and thankful that he passed the 1st test but i'm not. This is pure honesty. I don't know what i'll do if he'll get a call for a training. That would be 4 mos away from me coz training are usually held in Stockton, CA and for one the job is in chula vista, CA (san diego area) so that means we'll be apart. I don't know if he ever think of the consequences when he applied for this one in the first place. Yes they make a lot of money but the job is really dangerous and just thinking about it makes me both sad and mad. I hate it. Now, i'm thinking of the "what if's" and i still don't know the conclusion of this. I want him to stay in school, finish the damn nursing and graduate and not get a job that would make him a lot of money that involves danger. Yes, i should be proud but from the very start he knows what i think but still he didnt listen. I should be honest to myself so i'm not gonna pretend to be happy but i'll be civil about this.

in case he gets the job, i will not spend a single cent he will make. I don't care, this is not how i want it to be. I will for one live my own life from that moment on. I will do what i want, doesnt matter if it will involve him or not. I dont care, i dont want to care anymore. I swear this marriage will suffer because of that decision and for one, i could be blame but hey! i told him from the very start that i'm not expecting too much from him. He will totally drive me away w/ this. I guess you can say i'm just being honest to myself even though i know i'm being selfish but who cares right? maybe its good that we dont have kids yet. I'm even thinking of leaving this life and go back home. Atleast over there, i am happy. I'm not saying i'm not happy but i have friends there and i know they care.

i know he's doing this for me but this is not what i want. I don't want him to be away. What's the point of being married if you live far apart right? that's messed up. besides, i followed him here in southern cali and left bay area even when i didnt want to.

hayyyy... still sick, i'm stressing and my period just started. This day is just soooooooo i don't know.

and so i got what i want:)

i'm so happy that i finally got my DSLR. Christmas passed just like that and I didnt get drunk like my cousins back home because i'm sick again right now. I wish before new year comes, i'm OK that way i can drink the martini asti we bought down stairs.... I would love to go out and take pictures but i don't want to risk it...hehe when i'm better, watch out!:) they'll be lots and lots of pictures of whatever subject i can see... i'm thinking, maybe next year i'll wish for a MAC... hehe... i hope the year 2007 would bring me luck in finding a job. i need a job, i wanna have a career and i want to grow and be able to stand in my own two feet. haaaaaaayyyy... my head is spinning so gotta go.:)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

May PEACE, LOVE, JOY and HOPE be with you and your family this holiday season.... Merry Christmas!!!!:)

i got it I got it!!!!

i so got what i wanted............. hubby loves me but can't play with it coz its already wrapped so gotta wait till xmas day to unwrap my "wish"... thank you lord!

arrggggggggghhhhh again

i went to my mom's last monday and spend the night. SHe told me to come back on friday w/ this puppy look on her face that made me say nothing.... Now my hubby's told me that we will go to san diego and visit his parents on friday...so now i told him that he has to take the test to get it over with, that way when he's taking it, i can go over to my moms.... i made peace w/ her, making her be my priority but i know nik will be disappointed, not that he doesn't want to spend time w/ her but he wants to go see his family... and i plan to pick up my mom on xmas day. so in span of 7 day, ill be driving back and forth from here to LA and back... god when will this stop, i give her my time but seems she wants everything from me...now i'm stuck again. if i tell her i cant go, she'll make me feel guilty and say that she knows she's not my priority and stuff like that but i understand what my hubby wants to do too... i know he'll say come back there AGAIN?????

remember my wish list?!

well, if you've been following me on my multiply you'll know.... so far i got 1 of the 5 stuff i wanted. its an anniversary gift from my buboo...i'm spoiled although if you ask me, i could settle for a flowers and a personalize card. i don't really need expensive stuff...really but i'm happy...hehe... well, i'm hoping i get another one from my wish list (or even better) by xmas but if not I'm happy w/ the anniv gift i got:):):)i couldn't ask for more...

am i really happy??

i've been asking this myself last night. we've reach our 2nd year anniv and i'd admit that there were moments when we just can't understand one another and we get into each other's throat and i know i'm a pain in a butt on most time...

so i was texting w/ my bestfriend nokski last night...i told him i'm sad and i wish to go home. He told me to hang in here and just talk to him (the person above) i told him that i do,i even make peace w/ myself, although i still wonder if i really did.

i'm tired. its like my whole body is bruised, mind you i get bruised easily... i've left my home town to be here, to pursue a dream, a dream that i sometimes wonder if it will ever happen. I admit that i'm lost, i don't know what i really want and i really plan on doing. 2006 is about to end and i ask myself if i've accomplished something this year... am i really happy or i'm just pretending? hayyyy.... its frustrating!

i feel safe here

but its complicated still... i still love blogging over at multiply but if i write something, i shouldn't add my sister coz my mom's open her acct w/c isn't good...she read some of my rant over there.... i made peace w/ myself last night but i dont know if i'm happy or what? strange..... happiness means being w/ my loved ones but why do i feel so incomplete??? im thankful for lots of things but i have no one around me whom i can talk to, well except for my hubby but its different having friends around.... i felt so carefree when i went home during my sister's graduation... life........ we cant have everything...

call me selfish i don't give a damn!

my buboo got a letter from the department of correctional. apparently, he applied eventhough i told him not too. Call me selfish but i don't like the people i love to join the navy, marines, military, airforce, police, fireman, correctional officer or anything that's in the service that involves risking their life. I admire those people who are in the service, they are brave but i don't want to be the one stressing over someone because i don't know whether or not they are safe.

I was disappointed when i got his letter, i was thinking of not giving it to him but i know its wrong so instead i gave it to him and waited on whether or not he got in. He needs to take the test according to the letter. Apparently, he passed the 1st step of the application. I wasn't happy about it and i didnt hide the fact that i wasn't happy at all. SO i told him this, its up to you but you know what's my stand.

I don't know if he'll even take the test but i know he's considering it. If ever he'll get in, what will i do??? give it a chance but i don't want to.... i'm a worrier...i don't want to worry. hayyyy ewan ko ba, bat kasi nakinig sa kuya about that.... grrrrrr kaka badtrip sobra!

arrggggggghhhhhhhh

arrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh..... i'm so mad at nikolai. this i can write here in blogspot! first he didnt go to church w/ me coz he had to work at 12:30 when the church ends 11:30 and its only 5 min away. then he didnt listen to me from my mumblings about requesting to work in the morning of saturday (dec. 9) instead in afternoon coz we need to go to LAX to drop off my grandma. Wtf! does he even care at all???? i'm so mad at him right now that i just want to go far far away and take a breather..... you may think, i'm so babaw but if you think about it, i've told him nth times that to ask. so i told him. work! i'll figure something out. dammit. this guy is a pain in a butt... i just wanna kick him....