level 10

ok my stress level is going higher again...NOT GOOD! i hate it when i'm stress already and then other people would make me more stress... as much as i try to breathe in & out and say grusfraba (is that right karen?) i just cant hold it and i snap.... today was something. On our way back home from walmart (we had to buy blank dvd's for the dvd cam) there's this dude in a green ranger pick up trying to drift or something like that. that he actually turned 180 deg (facing the traffic) in the intersection. And it was raining so the roads are slippery... situations like this, i freak out (for one i've experience turn-turtle accident and almost falling from the ridge from the past 6 years??) but i try to remain calm by being quiet. I was gasping the dvd's when it all happen in front of me actually. Goodthing that person didnt cause any accident. Then we had to enter the freeway on our right to pick up my sister-in-law's friend who's coming w/ us to the airport. as hubby made a right turn, well, he was kinda fast and it was slipper (from the rain and some sand) the car was kinda screeching on the road. my impulse made me shout SLOW DOWN at the same hit my hubby in the head w/ whatever it was i was holding in my hand. IT WAS AN IMPULSE! it wasn't meant to happen. i know it hurt and he was hella mad and to think this all happen w/ my sister-in-law as a witness. I was so quiet on the way home, i was scared at hubby coz i know it was my fault in hitting him but hey! i wouldn't have hit him if he didnt do what he did right? and it was an IMPULSE action. i hate it when he plays around my stress level. I cant controll my stress any longer and its not good. By the time we got home, i was getting my stuff to go out of the car he stopped me then gave me a hug and a kiss and i said sorry coz i know it's my fault and i'm not suppose to hit anyone but i cant help it.... and i was still numb!

w/ my stress going up and down, i'm actually feeling my chest feeling heavy everyday. My uncle had a quadrople (i have a feeling i spelled it wrong) bypass 10 months ago because of stress... and my grandpa had a multiply bypass coz of diabetis. IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY!!! now here i am 25 years old, no health insurance feels heavyness on my chest coz of stress when I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO BE STRESSING.... dammit. I don't want to stress anymore, LIFE is too short and i wanna enjoy it. and i wanna experience being a mom. haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy