i warn you this would be long (i think)
Mom's bday is tomorroy (5/18) and since i'm in US, and it's only the 17th of May here, i don't think i should be greeting my mom yet right?! Tonight when the clocks hand points to 12am, then i will.
My mom makes me feel that i'm such a bad kid, that i don't give a damn about stuff. I do. Mother's day she told me that my lil bro beat me coz he greeted her first on mother's day. I said well, its not mother's day here yet so no point for me to greet you (and i have a gift for her for mother's day you know). But she keeps saying that my siblings back home always greets her on occasions ahead of me. Hello! there's a time difference. They're in pi and i'm here. HELLO!!!
Mother's day, i felt hurt coz i have this gift and she told me that but i just sucked it up anyways. Then my sister had a hard time looking for a place to stay in davao and as a sister, even though i'm far away, i felt that i should help. So i did and i told my mom, what did i get?! a reply "DON'T HELP, LET ME AND YOUR AUNT(dad's sis) DO IT AND DECIDE." w/ words between the lines of MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
I was worried for my sister part coz she's taking the hardest test in the philippines (her chosen profession) and she only got a week left yet she doesn't have a place to stay. So, eventhough they told me not to help, i still did what i could, contact some people and i finally found a place for her and friend w/c is accessible to where she's going to have the review and take the test and well, to the malls and etc.
I help because she's my sister and i love her. I know she's scared and eventhough we werent that close till we reach HS years (well, she used to live w/ my aunt and moved back w/ us during her HS years) i know her. She's my sister. And eventhough she's spoiled, i know how to tame her and give her a wack when she needed it and vice versa.
i know my mom thinks that her plans for me change when i got married but if there's someone in my family who know everything. its my sister. My mom always say she's close to me but she doesnt even know how i feel.
I was suppose to buy her a gift but i changed my mind. Funny how even i'm married, she can still hurt me. if only she knows.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
is it guilt?!
i have no idea if my sister ever reads on this site but what the heck, i'm gonna write something thats on my mind anyways. besides, its not a bad blog...
i'm wondering why mom and dad keeps getting mad at me for suggesting something about my sister's situation. and how they keep saying this and that. I've been there but hey! i didnt really asked help and i know my sister is doing the same thing but i think they're just being guilty for not being there.
My friends knows how different i am w/ my sister. I admit that, i'm more rebellious but hey, i have fear. My bestfriends know the details of my life, they've seen me cry, they've seen me crash and all that but still, they know that every details of my life i still think about my family. Some may think (esp. my family) that i may be selfish for getting married so quick but as you think about it, there's reasons on everything. And even w/ reasons left undtold, still, my friends know i'm still thinking about my family.
Tonight, i have a discussion w/ my mom again. Ofcourse about my sister, I admit i'm concerned that my sister doesnt have a place to stay for her review till the nursing board is over in davao but my sister never asked for help, she's the type of person who get hysterical on something when she feels that she cant handle it anymore. I told her before to call some of my friends who lives in davao but she insisted that they said they don't know anyplace. SO i said, ok (Then). But when i heard that its only a week left and still no place to stay, i started to contact some of my friends.
Wella said she'll ask, preciatte it we. Twinks said she doesn't really know, its ok twinks:). Yam2 said, she knows a place, there we have it. A friend who happens to be a friend of my sister too yet she never asked her. So, i texted her and told her to go online. Then chatted w/ her and told her to contact our friend. So she said she will... but my aunt found a place yet, i have a feeling my sister wont be comfortable over there, and i for one want her to be comfortable, i've been there and i know how hard it is. but i have faith in her and i know she'll make it (pls. lord)
so, i told my mom about it. She started saying this and that to me. wtf?! i'm trying to help my sister. She then said, i should stop, let her and dad figure it out. Ok fine. I wont say a thing about it. Now i wonder, is it guilt why they are doing this? i mean my sister's HS grad, both of them weren't around but mine, both of them were present. College grad, my dad was present, mom was here in US already. My board exam, dad himself looked for a place for me to live in cebu. Well, there's a reason why you know. It was part of the deal. If they allowed me to review in manila, then it was my call but they didnt want me there, they said just cebu so instead they made all the arrangement. Its all like me wanting to study else where but they made a deal of giving me a car if i study in nddc.
i know i'm spoilled but my friends knows who the real me is. I still believe that i'm lucky to have friends like them because they listen to what i have to say and what i really mean to say. I guess sometimes in a family, we could be blacksheep eventhough others think we're not.
Its not easy to be married but i wont change it for anything. I'm happy and thats important right?! one thing too, i have a feeling that the reason why my parents are so scared of my sister is because they think that she's the only one who can help them and i'm just too selfish to do that... am i? i don't think so.
if i have hurt them in a way, you know that they have hurt me too. but hey! that's life
i'm wondering why mom and dad keeps getting mad at me for suggesting something about my sister's situation. and how they keep saying this and that. I've been there but hey! i didnt really asked help and i know my sister is doing the same thing but i think they're just being guilty for not being there.
My friends knows how different i am w/ my sister. I admit that, i'm more rebellious but hey, i have fear. My bestfriends know the details of my life, they've seen me cry, they've seen me crash and all that but still, they know that every details of my life i still think about my family. Some may think (esp. my family) that i may be selfish for getting married so quick but as you think about it, there's reasons on everything. And even w/ reasons left undtold, still, my friends know i'm still thinking about my family.
Tonight, i have a discussion w/ my mom again. Ofcourse about my sister, I admit i'm concerned that my sister doesnt have a place to stay for her review till the nursing board is over in davao but my sister never asked for help, she's the type of person who get hysterical on something when she feels that she cant handle it anymore. I told her before to call some of my friends who lives in davao but she insisted that they said they don't know anyplace. SO i said, ok (Then). But when i heard that its only a week left and still no place to stay, i started to contact some of my friends.
Wella said she'll ask, preciatte it we. Twinks said she doesn't really know, its ok twinks:). Yam2 said, she knows a place, there we have it. A friend who happens to be a friend of my sister too yet she never asked her. So, i texted her and told her to go online. Then chatted w/ her and told her to contact our friend. So she said she will... but my aunt found a place yet, i have a feeling my sister wont be comfortable over there, and i for one want her to be comfortable, i've been there and i know how hard it is. but i have faith in her and i know she'll make it (pls. lord)
so, i told my mom about it. She started saying this and that to me. wtf?! i'm trying to help my sister. She then said, i should stop, let her and dad figure it out. Ok fine. I wont say a thing about it. Now i wonder, is it guilt why they are doing this? i mean my sister's HS grad, both of them weren't around but mine, both of them were present. College grad, my dad was present, mom was here in US already. My board exam, dad himself looked for a place for me to live in cebu. Well, there's a reason why you know. It was part of the deal. If they allowed me to review in manila, then it was my call but they didnt want me there, they said just cebu so instead they made all the arrangement. Its all like me wanting to study else where but they made a deal of giving me a car if i study in nddc.
i know i'm spoilled but my friends knows who the real me is. I still believe that i'm lucky to have friends like them because they listen to what i have to say and what i really mean to say. I guess sometimes in a family, we could be blacksheep eventhough others think we're not.
Its not easy to be married but i wont change it for anything. I'm happy and thats important right?! one thing too, i have a feeling that the reason why my parents are so scared of my sister is because they think that she's the only one who can help them and i'm just too selfish to do that... am i? i don't think so.
if i have hurt them in a way, you know that they have hurt me too. but hey! that's life
Saturday, May 13, 2006
TO all the mom!
Happy mother's day... Mom, i love you so much! Thanks for everything...mwah!!! twinks & allen, happy mums day to u guys!mwah!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
long rant
have you ever got so pissed w/ the situation that you know you can be a big help if you say your opinion and just got "shut up! and dont tell me what to do coz i've decided and we did the same thing to you on your time"???? i got that today... wtf?! i'm setting this up not to be read by anyone related to me. I got really hurt today, i mean i was just telling my opinion and what i know and hello! i just got back from pi and i saw the situation there so i feel that my opinion mattered.
here's the story, my dad recently sold my sisters car coz it eats up the gas too much and since my sister is so maarte, she's been using my car since i left pi. I didnt really care though i wish it was really taken cared of coz hey! on my time i really value what was given to me and i didnt just crash it or anything like that.
anyway, so he sold her car since its not being used anymore. now we got the van (too big for her and only used on long distance drive), multicab (i dont know if everyone knows what kind of wheels this is but this is small and used for catering and is currently broken w/ i dont know reason), lancer (its broken too, w/ i dunno reason why), and a bike.
when i took my review for the board exam, i brought my car w/ me in cebu. not because i wanted to but because it was part of the bribery that my dad make for me. I mean i wanted to review in manila but he didnt want me too so instead he bribe me (like he did when i was studying in college, was suppose to study in cebu/manila instead i got bribe to study in gensan in return i get a car) that i can live in an apartment (that he want) and i can have my car w/ me...so i thought of it then, what a convinience right?! so i choose that instead of the arrangement of what i really wanted coz i know i'm gonna end up loosing anyways.
so now back to the story, my sister was saying that the apartment in davao is too expensive and my parents asked how much, she said P3T (not aircon) so my parents went "WHAT?!" thats it?! my dad started saying hey i paid P8T (studio w/ aircon/ref/own bathroom) a month for 5 months plus gas allowance and etc for anna and she's complaining for 3T?!... okay, my sister is trying to be goody good on their image. but hey! it was his choice right? i didnt mind leaving in a dorm if i had it my way you know...so my dad told my sister that too look for an apartment that could make her and my cousin comfortable and whatever is the cost since they'll be staying there for 3weeks only, he will pay but its my cousin who should bring his car not her coz my dad is coming back from the states and he doesnt have reliable car in his hands if my sister brings my car.
so thats when the discussion started. My sister started saying that they might as well not bring a car if thats the case coz my cousins car is not reliable. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD...he just drove it to davao when i was in gensan and you tell me its not reliable enough?!! so from there i told them my opinion and about my cousin driving his car to davao w/o any problem and so on. then i ask so what now? is she bring the car to davao then? and there it was... YES she is... so i said well, your problem is you always have to follow what she want and never lay down your cards. then my dad told me to "shut up! and dont tell me what to do coz i've decided and we did the same thing to you on your time." You are complaining to me and you tell me this?!it got me actually, i mean it was a stab straight to my heart, i wanted to say something back but i decided not to.
my lola who currently lives w/ us who's on my nerves recently coz she's been really bitchy since she got here says something when we were in the discussion "thats what you get! da!" i wanted so much to say something. I swear there are things ive known that i'm keeping to myself that i wanna say stuff but then i again i thought, i should shut up.
i dont wanna compare myself to my sister and say i'm better coz there are things that ive done that i know hurt my parents but i just cant help wonder why. I know she's smarter than me. I find myself dumb actually but why is it that when it was me before, i have fear to do this and that coz i know my parents would get mad. or i have to tell my friends and classmate this and that so that my family can have their privacy but my sister doesnt.
i cant say that the civil engineering was an easy major you know. But why is it that i can make time for other things as well. When i went home, my lil brother told me, its different around here since you left, things are falling apart and no one cares. I asked him why, he said its like there's no girls living in this house anymore. My yaya (servant) says the same thing... sad...
I have a feeling that the reason that my parents are so afraid of my sister is that they feel she's the only one who can help them. There are things in life that i did w/o thinking but hey, in my heart i know that it was the right thing.
sorry guys this is long, its just that i'm really sad and i have to let it out. thanks for reading this...
here's the story, my dad recently sold my sisters car coz it eats up the gas too much and since my sister is so maarte, she's been using my car since i left pi. I didnt really care though i wish it was really taken cared of coz hey! on my time i really value what was given to me and i didnt just crash it or anything like that.
anyway, so he sold her car since its not being used anymore. now we got the van (too big for her and only used on long distance drive), multicab (i dont know if everyone knows what kind of wheels this is but this is small and used for catering and is currently broken w/ i dont know reason), lancer (its broken too, w/ i dunno reason why), and a bike.
when i took my review for the board exam, i brought my car w/ me in cebu. not because i wanted to but because it was part of the bribery that my dad make for me. I mean i wanted to review in manila but he didnt want me too so instead he bribe me (like he did when i was studying in college, was suppose to study in cebu/manila instead i got bribe to study in gensan in return i get a car) that i can live in an apartment (that he want) and i can have my car w/ me...so i thought of it then, what a convinience right?! so i choose that instead of the arrangement of what i really wanted coz i know i'm gonna end up loosing anyways.
so now back to the story, my sister was saying that the apartment in davao is too expensive and my parents asked how much, she said P3T (not aircon) so my parents went "WHAT?!" thats it?! my dad started saying hey i paid P8T (studio w/ aircon/ref/own bathroom) a month for 5 months plus gas allowance and etc for anna and she's complaining for 3T?!... okay, my sister is trying to be goody good on their image. but hey! it was his choice right? i didnt mind leaving in a dorm if i had it my way you know...so my dad told my sister that too look for an apartment that could make her and my cousin comfortable and whatever is the cost since they'll be staying there for 3weeks only, he will pay but its my cousin who should bring his car not her coz my dad is coming back from the states and he doesnt have reliable car in his hands if my sister brings my car.
so thats when the discussion started. My sister started saying that they might as well not bring a car if thats the case coz my cousins car is not reliable. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD...he just drove it to davao when i was in gensan and you tell me its not reliable enough?!! so from there i told them my opinion and about my cousin driving his car to davao w/o any problem and so on. then i ask so what now? is she bring the car to davao then? and there it was... YES she is... so i said well, your problem is you always have to follow what she want and never lay down your cards. then my dad told me to "shut up! and dont tell me what to do coz i've decided and we did the same thing to you on your time." You are complaining to me and you tell me this?!it got me actually, i mean it was a stab straight to my heart, i wanted to say something back but i decided not to.
my lola who currently lives w/ us who's on my nerves recently coz she's been really bitchy since she got here says something when we were in the discussion "thats what you get! da!" i wanted so much to say something. I swear there are things ive known that i'm keeping to myself that i wanna say stuff but then i again i thought, i should shut up.
i dont wanna compare myself to my sister and say i'm better coz there are things that ive done that i know hurt my parents but i just cant help wonder why. I know she's smarter than me. I find myself dumb actually but why is it that when it was me before, i have fear to do this and that coz i know my parents would get mad. or i have to tell my friends and classmate this and that so that my family can have their privacy but my sister doesnt.
i cant say that the civil engineering was an easy major you know. But why is it that i can make time for other things as well. When i went home, my lil brother told me, its different around here since you left, things are falling apart and no one cares. I asked him why, he said its like there's no girls living in this house anymore. My yaya (servant) says the same thing... sad...
I have a feeling that the reason that my parents are so afraid of my sister is that they feel she's the only one who can help them. There are things in life that i did w/o thinking but hey, in my heart i know that it was the right thing.
sorry guys this is long, its just that i'm really sad and i have to let it out. thanks for reading this...
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About Me
- Nynka
- i'm a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend and a mom. Describing myself aint easy but if you're close to me, you know me best. I love life and i'm thankful that i've been blessed. I'm taking baby steps in reaching my dreams and goals but right now i'm busy being a wife and a mom to the 2 toddlers whom i love more than myself. Married for almost 7 years now to loving and adorable husband.
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