is it guilt?!

i have no idea if my sister ever reads on this site but what the heck, i'm gonna write something thats on my mind anyways. besides, its not a bad blog...

i'm wondering why mom and dad keeps getting mad at me for suggesting something about my sister's situation. and how they keep saying this and that. I've been there but hey! i didnt really asked help and i know my sister is doing the same thing but i think they're just being guilty for not being there.

My friends knows how different i am w/ my sister. I admit that, i'm more rebellious but hey, i have fear. My bestfriends know the details of my life, they've seen me cry, they've seen me crash and all that but still, they know that every details of my life i still think about my family. Some may think (esp. my family) that i may be selfish for getting married so quick but as you think about it, there's reasons on everything. And even w/ reasons left undtold, still, my friends know i'm still thinking about my family.

Tonight, i have a discussion w/ my mom again. Ofcourse about my sister, I admit i'm concerned that my sister doesnt have a place to stay for her review till the nursing board is over in davao but my sister never asked for help, she's the type of person who get hysterical on something when she feels that she cant handle it anymore. I told her before to call some of my friends who lives in davao but she insisted that they said they don't know anyplace. SO i said, ok (Then). But when i heard that its only a week left and still no place to stay, i started to contact some of my friends.

Wella said she'll ask, preciatte it we. Twinks said she doesn't really know, its ok twinks:). Yam2 said, she knows a place, there we have it. A friend who happens to be a friend of my sister too yet she never asked her. So, i texted her and told her to go online. Then chatted w/ her and told her to contact our friend. So she said she will... but my aunt found a place yet, i have a feeling my sister wont be comfortable over there, and i for one want her to be comfortable, i've been there and i know how hard it is. but i have faith in her and i know she'll make it (pls. lord)

so, i told my mom about it. She started saying this and that to me. wtf?! i'm trying to help my sister. She then said, i should stop, let her and dad figure it out. Ok fine. I wont say a thing about it. Now i wonder, is it guilt why they are doing this? i mean my sister's HS grad, both of them weren't around but mine, both of them were present. College grad, my dad was present, mom was here in US already. My board exam, dad himself looked for a place for me to live in cebu. Well, there's a reason why you know. It was part of the deal. If they allowed me to review in manila, then it was my call but they didnt want me there, they said just cebu so instead they made all the arrangement. Its all like me wanting to study else where but they made a deal of giving me a car if i study in nddc.

i know i'm spoilled but my friends knows who the real me is. I still believe that i'm lucky to have friends like them because they listen to what i have to say and what i really mean to say. I guess sometimes in a family, we could be blacksheep eventhough others think we're not.

Its not easy to be married but i wont change it for anything. I'm happy and thats important right?! one thing too, i have a feeling that the reason why my parents are so scared of my sister is because they think that she's the only one who can help them and i'm just too selfish to do that... am i? i don't think so.

if i have hurt them in a way, you know that they have hurt me too. but hey! that's life