i asked my mom if being sad when you have your period is part of pms'ing. she said, maybe i have depression. I told her i always get sad whenever i have my period, i cry for no particular reason, i start questioning everything about myself, i just cry and try to be alone. nik on the other hand is getting pissed over my drama, even though he tried so hard to be patient and understanding, i know he's getting pissed. i do this to him all the time. i wonder how i'll be when i'm pregnant.. i guess it would be hell!haha
i'm sad right now, i'm super depressed, i want to sleep but i just cant. and if i try doing my HW (i did the research part already, i just to summarize and analize the article) my mind goes blank. i have days when i'm super depress but i fight it. its not something that needs attention w/. although i wonder what if i have?? i have an uncle (dad's bro) who had depression issues and i have a 2nd cousin who's in a high state of depression too and a cousin who got multiple personality disorder for some reason. so i guess it's in the blood...
or maybe because i've been getting frustrated of how my life is turning up. i'm getting frustrated over people's choices in life, i feel that everything is not right anymore. I'm tired, i know that for a fact although i had over 10 hours of sleep today. I don't know whats going on anymore and which path to turn when over 3 years ago, i know my goal but seems to me i forgot what it was...
other thing - had a discussion w/ hubby tonight over me saying this "well, i don't trust that friend of yours so i won't let you be w/ him alone, let alone let you guys go to vegas to visit your bestfriend together" he said DONT EVER SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY FRIEND %$#&. wtf... that friend of his is a crack head! ofcourse i don't trust him, even if he said that he doesn't ask him to do drugs w/ him, the temptation is there so you cant blame me right???? i was totally hurt when he said that. well, i still wont let him go w/ him anywhere together or let alone be near each other.
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as i'm at this state, i'm thinking of smoking. i barely smoke, you'd say i don't really smoke but at the moment, i'm really thinking of smoking and drinking coffee or those stay awake tablets and have a high caffeine on my system w/c is bad. and i said to myself that i'm getting weirder... tsk i don't really blame stuff on PMS, i never do. But right now, i have no other option but to just blame it on my hormones. :(
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About Me
- Nynka
- i'm a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend and a mom. Describing myself aint easy but if you're close to me, you know me best. I love life and i'm thankful that i've been blessed. I'm taking baby steps in reaching my dreams and goals but right now i'm busy being a wife and a mom to the 2 toddlers whom i love more than myself. Married for almost 7 years now to loving and adorable husband.
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me too neng. i cant be happy with anything now. im so disappointed with myself - and the things going on. and yes, i've been smoking since last week. nothin to do. sad and im missin my mahal.
ReplyDeletewers rap??? i've been wanting to smoke i swear even if i hate smoking, its just a way to let out my depression...miss you!
ReplyDeleteoh..life is too short to be sad. I have my episodes too but not to the point that I'd pity myself or go into one corner and sulk. Life is just too short not to do anything about it. I've always thought that sadness is a state of mind unless of course you are clinically diagnosed. People say that happiness starts within, if you tell yourself you're sad, you will. If you tell yourself you can be happy, it's also possible. Sometimes, we just spend too much time looking at the bad things happening in our life rather than the good things.
ReplyDeleteRe: PMSing, if you're depressed before you have your period? It doesn't get better when you get pregnant. What you feel now when you're PMSing is just a the tip of the ice berg.
you two gwaps should NOT smoke k? We have disappointments in life man pero smoking will NEVER solve or help you jud. You two might think na it's easy for me to say these things but hey been there. It ain't easy but please don't smoke jud!! Mutagay ra ko pero smoking-No way... I love you both!! hugs!
ReplyDeleteallen::: dont worry i wont be smoking...i've been wanting but i'm not there yet!haha but i hate smoking so i wont be doing that...
ReplyDeletekaren::: sometimes its better when you just admit you're sad when you're sad. that's why writing how i feel is better than keeping it to myself. but its a mind game, i often tell myself to think positive. i'm thankful i have friends that's there to cheer me up. i have episodes of me being depress but after a day, i feel better. but when i'm pms'ng i just cant help it... now i'm scared to get pregnant, i'd be a cry baby i bet, if not, i'll be super maldita..hmmm... i might scare away my hubby...bad.. but well, it'll just be 9mos so he'll get over it... someday...