lalala

5 days to go till i get to hug and see my lil bro! i'll surely give me a big kiss on his cheeks eventhough he's 18 now. i just miss him and he'll always be my baby... 10 days to go till i will hear some news over something. I'm excited. I wanna write everything there is that i can write but for now i'll wait till the 8th of April will pass and the 13th of April will come. so...... lalalalala is all i can say for now:) and definitely there'll be pictures of this events:)

will be updating after friday the 13th..

since my lil bro is coming over on the 8th! yey i can't wait... and there's some stuff that i will find out on the 13th... i guess i'll be updating till then... i'll be writing whatever stuff i can think of between today till the 13th...so till then...:)

its just a croissant..

i just want a supreme croissant of jack in the box for over 10 days now and still i haven't got any at all. Its only $1.99 +tax and its just right across where he works and he cant even buy me one. i'm really hurt.

i need ur opinion!

is it okay to be friends w/ the EX?

would you let you bf talk to his ex?

i need your opinion on this...

wers the respect?

a question? you know something but you keep it to yourself that way it wont become a big deal. now you know she doesn't respect anyone, what would you do?

*&^%$# if it's bamba, ill kick her ass for sneaking in her bf. i dont give a damn if you think you're adult but in your parents house, you don't do such thing! too bad i'm insomiac that i know and hear lots of stuff!

my baby is such a sweetheart!

we dont really celebrate the v-day since i'm one of those people who think this day is korny. Why not do whatever it is you do on a v-day on any day right? anyways, my buboo is such a sweetheart, he had to take sa test this morning that he left early. he got home 2 hours later we a rose and a heart shape balloon and my breakfast (jack in a box supreme croissant!-been eating this a lot lately..hehe my latest addiction) and a nesquik chocolate drink! i was too sleepy that i just gave him a kiss and snuggle on his arms and went back to sleep. then we woke up at 11:45am and he made lunch! bbq rib eye steak! yummy... hehe my day was mainly spent here at the house wearing my pjs! since hubby had to work at 2, i had some cleaning to do...and i've been lazy to cook since there's still left overs then i got a call from hubby telling me to check what time does our fave jap. resto closes coz i dont have to cook, we'll just buy food... hayyy...today was my day of being pampered... thanks to my buboo:)

3 years ago::: Feb. 14, 2004 was the day that me and nik had our first conversation at some baby shower party in Lincoln St. in Alameda and he asked me if i wanna play billiards, i turned him down since i'm not really good at playing pool. funny! we never thought we'll end up being married.

level 10

ok my stress level is going higher again...NOT GOOD! i hate it when i'm stress already and then other people would make me more stress... as much as i try to breathe in & out and say grusfraba (is that right karen?) i just cant hold it and i snap.... today was something. On our way back home from walmart (we had to buy blank dvd's for the dvd cam) there's this dude in a green ranger pick up trying to drift or something like that. that he actually turned 180 deg (facing the traffic) in the intersection. And it was raining so the roads are slippery... situations like this, i freak out (for one i've experience turn-turtle accident and almost falling from the ridge from the past 6 years??) but i try to remain calm by being quiet. I was gasping the dvd's when it all happen in front of me actually. Goodthing that person didnt cause any accident. Then we had to enter the freeway on our right to pick up my sister-in-law's friend who's coming w/ us to the airport. as hubby made a right turn, well, he was kinda fast and it was slipper (from the rain and some sand) the car was kinda screeching on the road. my impulse made me shout SLOW DOWN at the same hit my hubby in the head w/ whatever it was i was holding in my hand. IT WAS AN IMPULSE! it wasn't meant to happen. i know it hurt and he was hella mad and to think this all happen w/ my sister-in-law as a witness. I was so quiet on the way home, i was scared at hubby coz i know it was my fault in hitting him but hey! i wouldn't have hit him if he didnt do what he did right? and it was an IMPULSE action. i hate it when he plays around my stress level. I cant controll my stress any longer and its not good. By the time we got home, i was getting my stuff to go out of the car he stopped me then gave me a hug and a kiss and i said sorry coz i know it's my fault and i'm not suppose to hit anyone but i cant help it.... and i was still numb!

w/ my stress going up and down, i'm actually feeling my chest feeling heavy everyday. My uncle had a quadrople (i have a feeling i spelled it wrong) bypass 10 months ago because of stress... and my grandpa had a multiply bypass coz of diabetis. IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY!!! now here i am 25 years old, no health insurance feels heavyness on my chest coz of stress when I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO BE STRESSING.... dammit. I don't want to stress anymore, LIFE is too short and i wanna enjoy it. and i wanna experience being a mom. haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy

no parent-in-laws for 3 weeks...

yes my parent-in-laws are on their way to PI... papa haven't been home for 9 years while mama for 13 years. I'm sure they'll be amaze at how philippines had change in a decade. They went home for papa's homecoming batch '77 in PMA. As what i've heard, its a biggy and most of his batchmates that are still in the service are all generals. If he didnt decide to join his family here in US 9 years ago, he'd be a General in the Philippine Airforce by now but well, its for the best. So for the next 3 weeks, we'll mainly spend my hubby's day off in San Diego to watch over his 19 years old sister... and well, i guess there'll be some house party that's gonna take place over there sometime in this next 3 weeks.

LAX is still a crazy airport... I still love San Francisco... Hayyyy...

other news: BAD TRIP! bakit ba ang guys masyadong manhid??? i swear! obvious na syado na ginagamit yung bestfriend nya to get hold of him to tell him the news "I'M GETTING A DIVORCE" wtf..... eh alam na nung girl kung tatawag cya di sinasagot tawag nya, gagamitin ba naman yung bestfriend to get hold of him? OMG..syadong obvious, eh namang mga lalake, syado manhid.... hmmm.....

its okay to be friends w/ the ex but hello! tantanan nyo na kung may sariling buhay na at masaya na sa ibang tao. i have 2 other ex's in my life, 1 of them is a total stranger while the other is we're okay. but i don't talk/text/chat or anything to them as a respect to the guy i'm going out w/. ewan ko ba.

guys are so..... EWAN!

grrr..... i swear i just wanna hit nik on his head. he's tired, i know that! but he should know that i'm bored the hell out of myself here in the house doing nothing but stare at the corners and he cant even give me a fraction of his time coz he want to sleep???????? i've been sleeping late for the past week. LATE means i've been sleeping at 5:30am already and i have no idea why. i'm tired but i dont want to take sleep aid, i'll do this on my own. i'm just mad and hurt for some reason. and I asked him this, what would be his ideal date? sinagot ba naman ako na i don't think of that coz i'm married. that's for people that are dating. dammit! sarap sapakin eh.

its your birthday...

ALLEN............. happy birthday.... i wish that you the happiness all life has to offer. May God continue to bless you and your family always. I love you gwaps!miss you and yngat, enjoy your day aitte?! mwah! talk to you soon!

my bestfriend is such a sweet guy

i was depressed, he gave me this:

Before you are tempted to give up or get discouraged, remember all success is based on long term commitment, faith, discipline, attitude and few stepping stones along the way. You might not like the store you are in right now but it’s sure to be the one of the stones that leads to great opportunities in the future

i actually printed this and put it at the first page of my notebook...thanks nok!!!! i'm so lucky i have you :) love you.....

pms'ng

i asked my mom if being sad when you have your period is part of pms'ing. she said, maybe i have depression. I told her i always get sad whenever i have my period, i cry for no particular reason, i start questioning everything about myself, i just cry and try to be alone. nik on the other hand is getting pissed over my drama, even though he tried so hard to be patient and understanding, i know he's getting pissed. i do this to him all the time. i wonder how i'll be when i'm pregnant.. i guess it would be hell!haha

i'm sad right now, i'm super depressed, i want to sleep but i just cant. and if i try doing my HW (i did the research part already, i just to summarize and analize the article) my mind goes blank. i have days when i'm super depress but i fight it. its not something that needs attention w/. although i wonder what if i have?? i have an uncle (dad's bro) who had depression issues and i have a 2nd cousin who's in a high state of depression too and a cousin who got multiple personality disorder for some reason. so i guess it's in the blood...

or maybe because i've been getting frustrated of how my life is turning up. i'm getting frustrated over people's choices in life, i feel that everything is not right anymore. I'm tired, i know that for a fact although i had over 10 hours of sleep today. I don't know whats going on anymore and which path to turn when over 3 years ago, i know my goal but seems to me i forgot what it was...

other thing - had a discussion w/ hubby tonight over me saying this "well, i don't trust that friend of yours so i won't let you be w/ him alone, let alone let you guys go to vegas to visit your bestfriend together" he said DONT EVER SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY FRIEND %$#&. wtf... that friend of his is a crack head! ofcourse i don't trust him, even if he said that he doesn't ask him to do drugs w/ him, the temptation is there so you cant blame me right???? i was totally hurt when he said that. well, i still wont let him go w/ him anywhere together or let alone be near each other.

-----

as i'm at this state, i'm thinking of smoking. i barely smoke, you'd say i don't really smoke but at the moment, i'm really thinking of smoking and drinking coffee or those stay awake tablets and have a high caffeine on my system w/c is bad. and i said to myself that i'm getting weirder... tsk i don't really blame stuff on PMS, i never do. But right now, i have no other option but to just blame it on my hormones. :(

NOVA!

im jealous w/ you guys! island hopping the mt. climbing??? asar! me and allen are getting are a** froze over here and you guys are enjoying everything under the sun...man i so wish i'm over there! the next time i'll go home, lets go island hopping and other stuff too.... the last time, i was only w/ wella! so we better be complete+myti when it happens ok?!?! and details girl details!!!!! do i hear wedding bells soon????hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm

to my friend...

i'm here for you always, i respect you for not telling us before. It's okay. I could say i know how you feel coz i've been there and i know your hubby will always take care of you. It will come, you know it will.... So you and hubby should be patient okay? for now, spend all the time in the world w/ your lil' girl. I love you.

i hurt

i hurt inside and i just want to stop hurting. funny things happen in life that sometimes you just cry instead of laughing. I don't know what to do anymore, i'm so tired of this so tired. This isn't like this all the time but when it happens, the pain is something you just cant understand. Why???????????????????? i don't deserve this. I'm tired.

Updates

January 2007:

Happy New Year to all! My blog updates would definitely late. Well, lately the connection we have here isn't really that good. My computer at work keep messing up, I need to reformat this but I'm still waiting for a perfect timing that my boss would not rush some paperwork. Internet connection keeps failing down...urghh!!!! gets into my nerve sometimes..makasapot! hehehehe...

Since I'm back from work again, I am doing the same routinary works all over again. I'm not sure on how long will I be able to stay here. I'm losing what I have studied before, how can I move on into another level when I don't know how to start again? BUMMER!!!!

tsk damn job, when will i ever have one??

I was gonna apply for a "planning intern" but i turned in my application too late so that leaves me in a dead end again. Man, i really don't know what i'm gonna do w/ my life although i love being at home and doing nothing but i just got to earn some moolah to be able to save or buy whatever i want and not feel guilty in spending it. tsk tsk...

i did apply in an employment agency to help me find the job that i want and i have an interview set for tomorrow at 12:30pm so guys, wish me luck. I wish i can see what i want in a clear view. Hubby doesn't want me to work, i know that for a fact but i'm getting too bored here that i want to do something. We haven't played golf for a while coz its been cold and well, the holiday left us both broke so we're catching up.

I wanna go to the gym, after a year break from not going to the gym, i finally want to take that step and try to make my life be healthy but i need a job to do that. Its not that expensive but i don't want to spend money that i didnt earn although i know hubby wouldn't really mind.

I've been reading too much pocket books lately, i guess i've been eating up my time reading cheesy stuff w/c reminds me of my cousin's bestfriend who's an author in pi who told me to write something and see if she can publish it...haha! yah right... i don't even write well..tsk tsk but well, my mind can make up lots of imagination but i just cant put it in writing..

anyways, i'm gonna try and make myself tired that way i can fall asleep early tonight. i really wish before this month would end, i will find a job.

i welcome 2007 w/ high level of stress

i was writing about my reflection of 2006 but i change my mind. I'm chatting w/ my cuzin, i told her about eh CO issue (hubby applying and passing the test). I'm really sad. Its new year and i'm suppose to start this year in a happy mode that way throughout the year i'd be happy but i'm not. I'm actually scared of this year for some reason. I don't know whether or not this will turn out pretty good or it will be the worst year of my life.

A realisation hit me today as we drove back home from LA (we dropped off my mom). I need to find a job and i need to have on before the month of january ends. I'm scared to make use of what i've learned because i honestly forgot most of it. I'm dumb. honestly. But i need to learn how to be independent.

I love my hubby too much, now i'm wondering, i can ever love him a lil less and put that love on myself??? i don't know where to start actually. Since the CO thingy had happen, i have hurt. I tend to keep quiet coz there's not point of arguing things. I try to convince myself that it's okay but deep down my heart, i still cant make him work over there.

If i love him less that means i wont worry as much. But that's not how its suppose to be, it wouldn't be right if i do that. But my head had been pumping too much w/ this issue. Maybe if the evaluation thingy didnt get canceled, i have a good chance on working as a junior engineer this year. That would mean i get paid well, that would mean hubby wouldn't think of looking for a job that pays 4x bigger than what he gets and ditch the nursing school.

i know everything happens for a reason but i wish 2007 would bring me luck. I'm tired of stressing. i understand though that hubby is doing this for me but living away from each other on most days of the week are for my benefit??? how so? i'm tired....

happy new year everyone!

still have a day to go and its new year in this side of the world. I wonder how 2007 will turn out, i hope no more violence, pls. Let there be peaceeeeeee..... well, 2006 had been great but i wish 2007 will bring me luck in getting the job of my dreams... There's so much to be thankful for although i didnt make any new year resolution, it doesn't usually happen... so what's the point right? anyways, Happy new year to all.... Have a good one!

happy birthday to karen marielle zhou and her twin bro Kevin Ryu Zhou!

he took the test.. and i'm not happy

yes hubby took the CO test, he passed the 1st one and doing the 2nd one at the moment. I should be happy and thankful that he passed the 1st test but i'm not. This is pure honesty. I don't know what i'll do if he'll get a call for a training. That would be 4 mos away from me coz training are usually held in Stockton, CA and for one the job is in chula vista, CA (san diego area) so that means we'll be apart. I don't know if he ever think of the consequences when he applied for this one in the first place. Yes they make a lot of money but the job is really dangerous and just thinking about it makes me both sad and mad. I hate it. Now, i'm thinking of the "what if's" and i still don't know the conclusion of this. I want him to stay in school, finish the damn nursing and graduate and not get a job that would make him a lot of money that involves danger. Yes, i should be proud but from the very start he knows what i think but still he didnt listen. I should be honest to myself so i'm not gonna pretend to be happy but i'll be civil about this.

in case he gets the job, i will not spend a single cent he will make. I don't care, this is not how i want it to be. I will for one live my own life from that moment on. I will do what i want, doesnt matter if it will involve him or not. I dont care, i dont want to care anymore. I swear this marriage will suffer because of that decision and for one, i could be blame but hey! i told him from the very start that i'm not expecting too much from him. He will totally drive me away w/ this. I guess you can say i'm just being honest to myself even though i know i'm being selfish but who cares right? maybe its good that we dont have kids yet. I'm even thinking of leaving this life and go back home. Atleast over there, i am happy. I'm not saying i'm not happy but i have friends there and i know they care.

i know he's doing this for me but this is not what i want. I don't want him to be away. What's the point of being married if you live far apart right? that's messed up. besides, i followed him here in southern cali and left bay area even when i didnt want to.

hayyyy... still sick, i'm stressing and my period just started. This day is just soooooooo i don't know.